where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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