you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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