shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
