The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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