You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
