what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
