I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
