Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize