Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
