New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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