just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize