weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
