I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
