Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
