sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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