You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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