I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
