i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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