ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
