just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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