community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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