I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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