If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
