Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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