I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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