i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
