just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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