i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
