I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
