Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
