apparently the secret to your success is patron
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize