i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
