I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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