tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
