I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
