Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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