I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
