Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
