You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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