im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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