I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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