Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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