So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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