i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
