life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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