just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
worst night to have a conscience
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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