Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
