He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
