How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
