I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
