Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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