Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
