Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
