were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
