you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
