the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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