in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
