So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
