i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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