Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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