When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
