if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
