Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
