dude i'm inner monologue high
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I use my feet as sexual weapons
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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