Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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