Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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