It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
