and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
