i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
