We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
