Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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