these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
