I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
